Goodwellies.

So yes...the Italian relatives came over...after picking them up at Manchester Airport on Thursday and seeing they were slightly tired and hungry we rushed back up the M56 (we're literally 12 minutes away) and headed back to our pad.   I'd recently bedded in a new pizza stone, a piece of cookware I'd been after for some time and thought I'd test my 'authentic Italian' pizza's out on them.  Perhaps not entirely wise given the craftsmanship that goes into them in Italy.  But earlier on in the evening I began the preparation.  Jamming my hands into a bowl of grade 'OO' flour, honey, olive oil, salt and yeast I began to manipulate this amorphous, breast like piece of dough.  

After a good ten minutes of bashing and twisting I'm left with this spherical quasi marble dough ball.  This I then place in a larger, oil lined bowl so the yeast can have it's end away inside this tasty fun bag.  Ninety minutes later I see this sub Dr Who character in the bowl where I felt damn sure I'd left the dough.  It's risen out of all proportion and this makes a small tear appear in my left eye duct.

The next small process is precision blissfulness: you enter you hands into this large, softness and the air departs into the heavens, gently caressing your mittens as it does so.  It's probably worth the whole process just for this, never mind the baked dough you'll soon be creating.

After another quick arm wrestle with the dough it's time to flatten and stretch to your liking.  

I always think it best to spread it with both a rolling pin and your hands...and if you've guest over why not try spinning it in the air  (although last time I tried that it ended up in the dirty dish water...still, I rescued it ok).  When it's thin enough so it's almost translucent and has the look of cow hide it's good to go.  It will nearly split when you carry it so be quick – and make sure you add it onto a well floured (or even better, sprinkled with semolina) tray/pizza paddle.

Slap on your passata (I add a dash of honey and occasionally if I'm feeling Cornish and controversial a spot of Jam) and then your toppings...best not getting funkadelic here, the more simple the better.  I once tried adding a DVD copy of the Wire as a topping and whilst edible it was nothing like the time I added the Scorsese biography with sun dried tomatoes, razor shaved garlic and 'chased around the garden with flip flops' basil.

Every couple of minutes I'd open the door of the (extremely) hot oven and lift it's bottom up (this I'm told releases the steam from under the base and thus obtaining a crispy base post release from oven.  That pizza stone was the business.  They were perfect and the Italians had the same impressed look that Keith Chegwin has when he pulls a wheelie on his neighbours mobility scooter.

And I was proud, albeit covered in tomatoes and sieved pasta flour.

If you're ever over at mine I'll be sure to make you one.  Since then I've created a new recipe (all secret like Ronald McKentucky Fried Don) and named it the 'Don Draper' - cool, creative and suave and knocking up a female beatnik behind the wife's back.